Subject: Chemistry Jukebox

I am a wacky chemistry teacher who makes song paradies out of popular music and turn them into songs about chemistry.

Playlist Isn�t It Ionic
You�re my Van der Waals
Covalent Jumper
I am the Model of a Modern Major Chemical

Isn�t It Ionic
by Alanis Mole-set
(#1 on the charts for 6.02 x 10^23 days)

Technetium has an atomic weight of 98.
It�s next to Molybdenum, now isn�t that great.
They�re both metals, in their solid state.
And they like to give away their electrons.

And isn�t it ionic, don�t you think...
It�s like sodium chloride, in a solutional state.
Or magnesium hydroxide, and potassium nitrate.
They�re ionic bonds, and isn�t it great...
That they give away and acquire their electrons.

Now cesium has the lowest ionization energy.
And fluorine has a high electron affinity.
When they�re together, they make great chemistry.
You can tell they�re ionic by the difference in their electronegativity.

You�re my Van der Waals
(sung to the tune of Wonderwall)

Today is gonna be the day when you�re gonna learn something new.
By now, you should�ve realized, electrons do what they want to do.
I don�t believe that any bond is completely true...not at all.

Back beat, the word is on the street, that you�re studying up on moles.
Electrostatic forces between molecules are often called dipoles.
I don�t believe that any bond is completely true... not at all.

(melody change)
And all the chemistry studied in your courses,
Have dealt with intermolecular forces.
There are many reasons electrons do the things they do, and this is why...

(Chorus)
Cause maybe...
Electrons are proton crazy.
And after all...
You�re my Van der Waal.

Polar molecules have positive and negative ends; this we know is fact.
Dipole-dipole attractions occur because the opposite ends attract.
But I don�t believe that any bond is completely true... not at all.

(melody change)
Some molecules with hydrogen, we�re finding....
I kind of dipole called hydrogen bonding.
There are many reasons electrons do the things they do, and this is why...

(Chorus)
Cause maybe...
Electrons are proton crazy.
And after all...
You�re my Van der Waal.

Non-polar molecules can attract each other too; this we know is fact.
The greater their atomic mass is, the greater they will attract.
Melting points and boiling points increase down the chart, and this is why...

(melody change)
Electrons attract protons from other sources.
And this is called Van der Waals forces.
There are many reasons electrons do the things they do, and this is why...

(Chorus)
Cause maybe...
Electrons are proton crazy.
And after all...
You�re my Van der Waal.
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Covalent Jumper
(sung to the tune of Jumper by Third Eye Blind)

Wish you would covalently bond with me my friend.
We could, share electrons between our atoms and that would be the end.
And if you do not want to share them equally,
I would understand....
I would understand....

The atoms may have different electronegativities.
That means they don�t always share equally.
But that�s not so wrong.
One atom is more negative then the other.
The other is more positive then his brother.
That�s the point of this song.
Well every thing wants to lower it�s energy.
Maybe today, we can bond this way...

Well a polar bond is a pull between friends.
And electrons are pulled toward the electronegative ends.
What are they...doing here...?
If the molecule was non-polar, that would be cool.
Then the molecule would have no pull, and I...
I want you to know.
Diatomic molecules are, of course, non-polar.
That means that they, have no pull per say...

(Musical Interlude)

Can we make a bond today...
Wish you would covalently bond with me my friend.
I would understand...

Wish you would covalently bond with me my friend.
I would understand...

Wish you would covalently bond with me my friend.
and I would understand...

Wish you would covalently bond with me my friend.
and I would understand....
back to playlist

I am the Model of a Modern Major Chemical
(sung to the tune of "I am the very model of a modern major general" from the Pirates of Penzance)

I am the very model of a modern major chemical.
With bonding both ionic and covalent in a molecule.
I share or transfer my electrons because of an electron pull.
And then I make a new compound, for which I think is really cool.

(And then he makes a new compound, for which he thinks is really cool).

I lose or gain electrons to form an octet - which is eight.
I do this by ionic transfer, which means I change oxidation state.
I then bind with a charged ion, and then we can make a date.
And form a more stable molecule, which of course is really great.

(And he forms a more stable molecule, which of course is really great.)

Or I could simply share electrons but still try to complete my shell.
Forming 8 electrons but both elements will share as well.
If there's a pull - I am called polar; without a pull - a nonpolar cell.
Our boiling points are lower and are bonds are weak but we are swell.

(Our boiling points are lower and are bonds are weak but we are swell.)
(Our boiling points are lower and are bonds are weak but we are swell.)
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David Baruch (Davebaruch@aol.com)